Nothing
by 8Iniquity8
Summary: Gin-chan has somehow become blind, yes? How will that good-for-nothing cope now! No Jump, no pachinko, he will surely die! But don't worry readers, I, Kagura-sama will take excelle- what do you want Glasses-san? I'm doing a summary, DONT INTERRUPT ME!
1. Prologue of sorts

**Prologue or something...? I don't know.**

"Gin-san, you haven't gone out in 9 days already."

The lump of human trash on the couch showed no reaction to the statement, choosing to play dead as if that was going to help him escape the upbringing of the topic. It was no less true. Shinpachi was starting to get irritated at his unproductive lazy boss, and Kagura had already given up on him.

"Gin-san, do something already. Otose-san is going to send Tama-chan to break this place down if we don't get some money sooner or later."

At the mention of the robotic mistress of doom, the single-celled organism sprawled across the couch stirred, but it was no use. Gintoki was deaf to the world.

"FINE! I'll do something about it!" Shinpachi yelled, and ran out the door, slamming the door shut behind him.

Gintoki slowly sat up and seemed to stare at the open world beyond the thin paper window. It's not like he could though. Light didn't seem to reach his eyes at all, and the measly little signs of life his dead fish eyes held was completely gone.

Yep.

Gintoki was blind.

But it's not like he was going to let others know.


	2. Second chapter of bad fanfic

**Chapter #2 and by #2 I mean, #2 you know what I mean?**

KABAM!

"Owowowowowowwwwwww...ow..."

Gintoki rubbed his nose, and tried to feel around the room. He could feel it. He was going to succeed this time. HE WAS GOING TO BECOME THE (BLIND) PIRATE KING. Taking a deep breath, he concentrated and slowly tapped his bokuto on the ground in a rhythmic pattern. He found that it was hard to explain, but he could 'see' the waves of sound along the surfaces of the things around him. Every time he practiced this, the surfaces got more defined and he was able to tell the difference between the textures of the surfaces.

He relaxed and moved towards his cap and sunglasses. It was time to take a walk.

Gintoki stuffed the cap onto his unruly hair and wore on the sunglasses. He wore on a hooded jacket, and made sure that his hair was safely tucked in. The samurai had absolutely no intentions of standing out or getting recognized. He left his signature kimono behind and prepared himself for the chaos of noises outside. He gripped his bokuto firmly and took a deep breath before stepping out into the sun.

The warmth bathed on his face, but his eyes saw nothing. Gintoki frowned at that, and quietly made his way down the creaky stairs, before slipping into the alleyway beside the snack shop. He sighed as the sun was blocked from view and started to slowly walk, tapping his bokuto on the ground with every step he made. He immediately heard the building walls beside him, the trashcan to his right, and the opening in front of him. He recognized his location and walked out into the street.

As he walked, he encountered many people chattering and lots of foot steps. As soon as he started to feel overwhelmed and confused by all the noise, he backed towards the shops on either side of the street and sat down on the ground, feeling the soil with his hands. Feeling his pulse and breath slow back down to normal, he got back up and started to walk again.

Soon, he found his way back to the snack shop and returned home.

Triumph soared inside of him. He managed to walk throughout the Kabuki District and not get lost. Tired from his journey, he threw his glasses and his jacket into his closet, he lied down and started to doze off again.

But- "GIIIN-CHAAAAAAAAANNNN!" Rapid light footsteps approaching him, and he almost expected to be glomped (a.k.a. choked to death).

Squeezing his eyes closed, he groaned and prepared for impact, "What is it brat? Lemme sleep, that's how big boys grow dammit!"

The death hug never came, "I HEARD GIN-CHAN! I HEARDDDDD!" Kagura shouted, stopping just before him.

"What?" He mumbled, and tried to cover up his ears, "What? You heard what? Has the gorilla finally given up or something? I never knew the day would come."

For a moment, everything was silent. But a couple of footsteps were heard and he felt someone approach him, with a few people behind. Maybe 4-5 people?

"Gin-san..." Shinpachi asked, almost hesitantly, "Are you blind?"

Gintoki couldn't help but grin. Shinpachi seemed like he absolutely didn't want to believe it, no matter what. He sat up, not facing them, keeping his eyes closed and asked, "Do you _think_ I'm blind Patsuan?"

"Gintoki, we've all heard from the doctor already," Otose said, and blew out a cloud of smoke from her death stick, "You don't have to pretend anymore."

The grin disappeared from his face. Already?

"Tch."

"Gin-chan, look at us," Kagura said.

Gintoki paused for a moment, _'Fine'_ he thought. He slowly peeled his eyes open and faced them, looking them right in the eyes as if he knew where their faces were.

They all tensed as they saw the person they knew so well look at them. His eyes weren't right. They could all feel it.

"Gin-Gin-san... why didn't you tell us?" Shinpachi asked, feeling something he could've marked as disappointment.

"I wanted to see how long it would take for you guys to find out," Gintoki shrugged, "Besides, I was catching up on Jump."

"You're blind! You can't read, or even see!" Shinpachi exclaimed, before wincing at how harsh that sounded.

"Ouch Patsuan, you wound me!" Gintoki laughed, taking it lightly and shrugged, "I guess I'll have you guys take care of me then~"

"LEAVE IT TO ME GIN-CHAN!" Kagura sobbed, snot and tears running down her nostrils like four small rivers, "Mama will take care of you!"

"I don't want a sobbing snot-faced mama," Gintoki snorted, and pushed Kagura away, "Besides, doesn't this mean I don't have to pay this month's rent? I AM DISABLED AFTER ALL!"

"Like hell bastard," Otose growled, and made to leave, "YOU BETTER HAVE IT IN BY NEXT WEEK YOU GOT IT DIMWIT?!"

"I'M DISABLED DAMMIT, I SHOULD GET SOME SPECIAL TREATMENT!"


	3. A really long chapter title

**Chapter 3, you know? Parent's sure are annoying sometimes, they always nag nag nag nag nag, I mean seriously, don't they have something better to do? I mean, they're like, "OMG YOU WASTE SO MUCH TIME" but in reality, they're the ones wasting my time because they're the ones who are telling me to wash the dishes and by just saying "OMG YOU WASTE SO MUCH TIME" they themselves are wasting time, so in essence, they're contradicting themselves. They're... what's the word? Pressistic? Pryocrite? Thanks google, hypocrite! They're being hypocrites you know what I'm saying? Then they start to nag nag nag about whatever else and complain, and complaaaain, and coomplaain you know what I mean? Don't you hate people who complain a lot? I mean seriously, I- What? Who? Me? I don't- Oh. Ohhhh. Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-**

"Breakfast is ready!"

Kagura set the small bowl on the table. It was filled to the rim with something Gintoki was unable to identify. Something deadly. Something rotten. Something that belonged in an occult.

"Kagura-chan..." Gintoki deadpanned, "Why do I feel an atrocious aura coming from your breakfast? It's so black it's tainting my pure innocent heart, Kagura-chan."

"It's scrambled eggs."

"No, I'm pretty sure it's s**-"

CRUNCH SPLAT

"Wooow, how d-d-delicioussssss," Gintoki groaned, mouth full of death, a pair of chopsticks embedded his head with a waterfall of blood spurting out, "It really takes me back to that time I almost d-died in the battlefield~ How n-nostalgic~~"

"Hurry up and finish Gin-chan~!" Kagura said happily, "Then we can go for a walk!"

"EEhh? What am I, a dog? I don't need to go on a-"

BAM

* * *

><p>"Gin-chan you sure are slow," Kagura sang, pulling on Gintoki's kimono as a guide.<p>

"Ugh, don't mind me Kagura-chan, I just have a headache..." Gintoki mumbled, tenderly holding his bandaged head.

"EEEH? From what could it possibly be from?"

"...I will kill you."

Gintoki yawned and tiredly rubbed his un-seeing eyes. The bastards had kept him up all night, fussing and fretting over him, which was one of the reasons he really didn't want to tell them. It was just blindness, no biggee!

Now, if only he'd believe that himself.

"Kagura-chan, over here!"

_Ah, it's the female bunsen burner, _Gintoki thought, and almost tripped when Kagura surged forwards with a burst of speed towards the source of the sickly sweet voice.

"Anego!" Kagura sang, "Gin-chan was being sloww! He took forever just to leave home!"

"Heeh? That's weird huh? Weren't you the one who took your sweet time finishing off the last bit of food left in the fridge?" Gintoki deadpanned, and was almost kicked in the face.

"Now now, Kagura-chan's a growing girl isn't she?" Otae consoled, "It'll take a while for Shin-chan to arrive, so why don't we sit down and taste some of the sunny-side up eggs I cooked?"

Immediately, a cold atmosphere surrounded the group, and Gintoki could feel the goosebumps on his skin, "Haha, ha... haha! No thanks, really! YOU'RE TOO KIND! But Kagura-chan here has already kindly made me breakfast and, as you can see, haha, I'm already full!"

"Oh? You have Kagura-chan? Did you use the techniques I taught you?"

"Yep! And they worked perfectly Anego!" Kagura nodded, "The eggs look amazing!"

_Amazing alright,_ Gintoki thought, _Amazingly burnt and revolutionized as a new organism of death and destruction._

KERPOW!

"WHY?!" Gintoki demanded, rubbing his sore cheek as he found himself back to back with the green green grass beneath him.

"I'm sorry," Otae giggled darkly, "For some reason I felt like you were thinking badly of me..."

_She's an esp now?! _"Of cooouuurse not! Why in the world would I think that?"

He shivered a bit, as he heard the grass rustle with movement. She was turning and picking something up. Something that was box-like. An sour, wretched odor spilled from the box's half-opened lid and it almost made him gag. Oh no. It couldn't be.

"Why do you look so pale Gin-san?" Otae asked sweetly, her calm, menacing demeanor strengthening his inner turmoil, "that's unhealthy, please, do eat."

_No..._

"Oh right, you're blind right? I guess I'll have to feed you. Goodness, you're more useless than ever now aren't you?"

_No... No... Nooo..._

"Would you like some Kagura-chan?"

_KAGURA DISTRACT HERRR! HELPS ME HELPS MEE! I'M GOING TO DIE A VERY HORRIBLE AND AGONIZING DEATH, KAGURA-CHAAAAAAN!_

"Ulp... no thanks anego!"

"Alright, since you're such a strong, healthy girl."

_K-K-K-K-KAGURA-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!_

"Say 'aaaaaaaaahhh'!"

He could smell it. Sweat poured down his forehead, and he was trembling hard from the undeniably cold air that wrapped around him like snakes. There was no way to avoid it, that steaming, gurgling, lump of black s*** that sat innocently on that spoon, inching close and closer to his mouth. The stench hit him hard, and he stiffened.

Gintoki luckily passed out before the spoon got to him, and he was spared from the nauseating taste of a death god's diarrhea.


	4. RIP Author

**Demons are very scary things you know, but what really scares me is their s***. Have you ever wondered what demon poop looks like? Maybe it looks like human poop, or beluga poop, or elephant poop (have you seen the size of those biggies? Wow, I'm impressed) but I have a feeling it looks a little like Otae's cooking ya know? Black, foul-smelling mass of sin and destruction, oozing revoltingly gooey substances of something I don' t think I want to describe and can cause massive death in every area of the world you know? What? Is there someone behind me? I don't- OH! U-UM HI! I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE! I WAS JUST COMPLIMENTING HOW WONDERFUL YOUR CO- WAIT! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER! WAIT! WAAAAAIIIIT! AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-***

"Aneue?"

"Yes, Shin-chan?"

"Why is Gin-san dead?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Shin-chan."

"No, he's lying right there. There's even a few flies flying around him."

"Shin-chan, are you alright? Do you need to get your eyes checked again?"

"No... I'm telling you..."

Shinpachi prodded the corpse with a stick, but there was no reaction to his attempt to resurrect the dead. He noticed a spoon next to the victim's head, and trickling down the corners of the mouth was saliva and something black, black and wrinkly, looking like a mushed up fly. It couldn't be...

"Aneue."

"Yes Shin-chan?"

"Did you make eggs again?"

"My, Shin-chan, I wanted to surprise you. How did you know?"

That confirmation was enough. He didn't need to ask to know what happened here.

"r...runnnnn..." the corpse rasped, weakly tapping Shinpachi's ankle to warn of the dangers ahead of him, "...ruuuuuuunnnn...!"

"Gin-san are you alright?" Shinpachi whispered, cautious of not catching his gorilla sister's attention.

"Th-those aren't sunny-side-up eggs- *cough* *cough*, they're made of purely sin and s*** from the dark side which I assure you, doesn't have cookies..."

"I know Gin-san, I live with her."

"This is on a whole different level of s***. It's pure Shinigami Arrancar Aizen level butt poop. For her to level up so quickly... that's truly something to be admired..."

"Um... I don't think that's very admirable Gin-"

"OH! IT'S THE MADAO!" Kagura had been very quiet until now, praying to Santa that she had been a good child to avoid the burnt balls of hell.

Gintoki could hear the sauntering steps approaching them, sandals smacking flat against the sounds of a dusty rocky path. Above all, he could feel the presence of a kindred soul, one with the mind of a gambler, a survivor and a freaking MADAO. And let's not forget the glasses.

"Hey Gin-san! I heard about it!"

Gintoki pushed himself up the ground, hoping he would hit his head on something he couldn't sense and fall or something, "What, is it news now? Is it the new cool thing for everybody to know what happened to poor Gin-chan? Oi oi, why wasn't I invited into this fad eh?"

"Erm," Hasegawa stood awkwardly, unsure of what to say, "Well..."

"I'm kidding, what is it?"

"How mean! Anyways, I got these pachinko tickets from the casino that fired me in 5 minutes and-"

"The one that let you wear your sunglasses?"

"...yes."

"WAIT WAIT WAAAIT!" Kagura interrupted, standing in between the two men, "GIN-CHAN, YOU CAN'T GO TO PACHINKO, YOU SAID YOU WOULD HELP ME GROOM SADAHARUUUU!"

"Since when did I say that?!"

"You diiid! Last night remember?!"

* * *

><p><em>-At freaking 3 AM-<em>

"Gin-chan..." Kagura murmured, poking the sleeping man in the nose, "Giiiin-chaaaaaaaaaaannnn!"

"MMmn," Gintoki mumbled, and pulled the blankets over his head to shield himself from further irritation, "Mmmwvat."

"Will you groom Sadaharu with me tomorrow?"

"..."

"Silence is yes!"

"Nnn..."

"WHat?! YOU WILL?!"

"Godoslep, Kagurrrr-chennn..."

"Groom Sadaharu with me GIN-CHAN!"

"..."

* * *

><p>"OI! I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING LIKE 'YES' IN YOUR FLASHBACK!" Gintoki argued, crossing his arms in defiance.<p>

"Silence is yes!"

"No it is not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it is not!" "So um..."

"Yes it is!" "...pachinko?"

"NO it is, NOT!" "Gin-san?"

"YES IT IS!" "Kagura-chan?"

"NO IT IS NOOOT!" "Um..." "Come on guys, let's calm down!"

"YES IT IIIIISSSSS!" "..." "GUYS! CALM DOWN!"

"NO. IT IS NOOOOOOO-"

**"Will everyone please be quiet?"**

The cold atmosphere was back again, and it gnawed and snapped at the group viciously, threatening to freeze them to the point of turning into black blocks of atrocities, and discarding their carcass into the hot furnace of hell. A sweetly smiling ogre sat upon it's throne, a bat embedded with nails in one hand, a sizzling foul-smelling handful of gunk in the other, ready to cause massacre at the slightest provocation.

"Y-yes 'mam..." every chorused, and that was the end of that.


End file.
